Anger-The Silent Killer – Part 1

Temple Baptist Church – Michael Vestal

Sunday Nights in March 2007

Some Lies About Anger

•    1. A Christian does not get angry.

•    2. Anger must always be vented or expressed.

•    3. It is O.K to be angry if you just hold it inside you.

•    4. One has the right to be angry because someone has offended him.

•    5. One needs to control others by using anger.

•    6. I am not angry, just a bit irritated.

•   Over 400 verses speaks about Anger

Prov 12:16
16 A fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covereth shame. (KJV)

Prov 14:17
17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated. (KJV)

Prov 14:29
29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly. (KJV)

Prov 15:1
1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. (KJV)

Prov 29:22
22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression. (KJV)

Ps 37:8
8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. (KJV)

Matt 5:22
22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. (KJV)

Eph 4:26
26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: (KJV)

Eph 4:31
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: (KJV)

Col 3:8
8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. (KJV)

James 1:19-20
19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. (KJV) 

•    Anger short-circuits your reasoning powers. Whether you "fly off the handle" or repress your rage, your anger can compound an already unstable situation

•    You may hurt someone…even emotionally, who was formerly not involved with your anger- causing problem.

•    If you already suffer from high bloodpressure, unresolved anger can push it dangerously higher.

•  Denial or suppression of your anger can lead to low self-esteem.

•  You may feel embarrassed by a lack of control

•    Blaming others for your anger can drive away friends or potential friends, putting you in a very lonely or depressing situation.

•    Anger may tempt you to avoid the problem by seeking comfort in unrelated and potentially unhealthy behaviors

•such as

•    bingeing on junk foods,

•    drinking,

•    smoking,

•    using illegal drugs,

•    or becoming a "couch potato".

•such as

•   headaches,

•  ulcers,

•   bowel problems,

•  respiratory ills,

•   skin flare-ups,

•   lowered immunity to colds and other viruses,

•    a constant feeling of tiredness and exhaustion,

•    and heart attacks.

Long Term Health Effects

•    Anger is an intense emotion that produces an adrenalin rush.  If an individual is chronically angry or has frequent bouts of anger, adrenalin is released often.  This constant rise of adrenalin results in a physiologic stress that decreases your immune systems ability to ward off infections.  It creates both mental and physical fatigue and leads to….

Anger: What Is It? and Why?

•  The definition of anger is: Strong emotion or feeling of displeasure. Can range from slight irritation to Rage.

•  The reality is that anger is neither good or bad.

•  Anger is a neutral emotion with a specific purpose in our psyches.

       (Actually a Secondary Emotion)

•   It is a God-given emotion that warns us of a real or perceived threat to ourselves.

•   It is also an early warning detection system that informs us of a need to change an undesirable situation.

•    Physiologically, anger is a fight or flight response to stressors or threats.

•    These stressors might be real (a child ruins their new clothes)

•    or perceived to be real (the thought that a child is going to ruin their clothes by running around outside).

•    The mind does not discriminate between the two.

Where Does It Come From?

Anger Inside

Why We are Susceptible to Anger

•          Unresolved hurts (real or imagined)

•          World View

•          Learned patterns

1. Past Hurts

•    Situations, words can remind us of past hurts

•    We can lash out to prevent future hurt

•    We can learn the wrong lessons from past experiences

2. World View: Our Belief Structure

•     Life: Supposed to be fair, but isn’t to me

•     People: Out to get me

•     Self: I dislike yourself and will take it out on you

•     God: It does not occur to me that God has a plan and is providentially overseeing my life… it seems like chaos to me

3. Learned Patterns

•     Proverbs 22:24-25  “Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.”

•     We can grow up with anger and think it’s normal

•     We can train ourselves to use anger to manipulate people and get our way

Col 3:8
8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. (KJV)

In the Sessions to Come

•    DIRECT SIGNS OF ANGER:

•    INDIRECT SIGNS OF ANGER:

•    Self-Assessment

•    Anger’s Warning Signals

• What to do?

Anger-The Silent Killer – Part 2

Temple Baptist Church – Michael Vestal

Sunday Nights in March 2007

•   Over 400 verses speaks about Anger

Eph 4:31
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: (KJV)

Col 3:8
8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. (KJV)

James 1:19-20
19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. (KJV) 

•   In “The Anger Workbook”

Carter and Minirth describe three unhealthy approaches to handling our anger.

•     These are styles to which we are prone because of our temperament or to which we may have learned as we grew up.

•     All three of these styles tend to perpetuate anger rather than facing it in a way that leads to growth.

•    Identifying the way in which we deal with anger is the first step toward learning how to respond in a way that pleases God.

•    Do you identify with any of these styles?

Open Aggression

•    I can be blunt and forceful when someone does something to frustrate me.

•    As I speak my convictions, my voice becomes increasingly louder.

•    When someone confronts me about a problem, I am likely to offer a ready rebuttal.

•    When something goes wrong, I focus so sharply on fixing the problem that I overlook others' feelings.

•    No one has to guess my opinion; I'm known for having unwavering viewpoints.

•    I have a history of getting caught in bickering matches with family members.

•     During verbal disagreements with someone, I tend to repeat

•     I find it hard to keep my thoughts to myself when it is obvious that someone else is wrong.

•     I have a reputation for being strong-willed.

•     I tend to give advice, even. when others have not asked for it.

Passive Aggression

•    When I am frustrated, I  become silent, knowing it bothers other people.

•     I am prone to sulk and  pout

•    When I don't want to do a project, I will procrastinate. I can be lazy.

•    There are times when I am deliberately evasive so others won't bother me.

•    I sometimes approach work projects half­heartedly

•    When someone talks to me about my problems I stare straight ahead, deliberately obstinate

•     When someone asks if I am frustrated, I will lie and  say, "No, everything is fine.“

•     I complain about people behind their backs but resist the opportunity to be open with them face to face

•     Sometimes I become involved in behind-the-scenes misbehavior.

•    I sometimes refuse to do someone a favor, knowing this will irritate him or her.

Suppressing Anger

•      I am very image conscious. I don't like to let others know my problems.

•     Even when I feel very flustered, I portray myself publicly as having it all together

•    I am rather reserved about sharing my problems or frustrations.

•    If a family member or friend upsets me, I can let days pass without even mentioning it.

•    I have a tendency to be depressed and moody

•    Resentful thinking is common for me, although many people would never suspect it.

•     I have suffered with physical complaints (for  example, headaches, stomach ailments, sleep irregularity).

•     There are times when I wonder if my opinions or preferences are really valid.

•       _Sometimes I feel paralyzed when confronted by an unwanted situation.

•        I'm not inclined to initiate conversations about 1u- sensitive or troublesome topics.

Causes of Anger

1. Unforgiveness.

•             Unforgiveness is probably the one major source for anger.

•             Unforgiveness is holding someone accountable for a past offense.

•             Anger can be the major controlling spirit.

•             Note: Hebrews 12:15 "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled."

2. Stress Accumulation.

•             We have the expression, "It was the straw that broke the back of the camel."

•             In reality, the straw did not break the camel's back, but the straw was added to all the other weight.

•             Conflict issues which are not properly handled are simply accumulated.*** The mother who was abused as a child may explode in anger with her own children when they disobey.

•      The anger the mother felt because of her own abuse is a heavy burden. Then when her own children become an irritation to her, the straw breaks the camel's back and the mother explodes in anger toward her own children.

•      The mother's anger toward her abuser is transferred to her own children.

•             The employee may endure a few critical words from his boss. However, after a year of criticism by the boss, the employee may explode in anger.

•             There may also be a series of losses or stress producing situations which produce a mental and emotional overload. The result may be anger.

3. Modeling.

•             Modeling is a major factor in the development of anger behavior.

•             Children who observe their parents exhibiting anger may grow up acting out their anger that same anger.

•             The anger that is glorified in the drama on T.V., movies, and videos is often translated into a set to react in the minds of many children and adults.

•             There is a truth in the adage,

•             "Monkey see, monkey do.

•             " Proverbs 22:24 "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go."

•             Furthermore animated video game of unrestricted anger, aggression, and violence implant a stage for unrestricted anger and violence to be acted out without conscious thought of what is right or the consequences of such behavior.

4. Generational Curse Of Anger.

•            Exodus 20:5 "Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me."

•            An iniquity is an inherited "bent" toward sin that is passed from one generation to the next.

•     As there are inherited physical traits, there are also inherited negative personality traits.

•     The "chip" off the old block may be a valid adage. Junior may wrestle with anger because his Dad or Mom wrestled with anger. Furthermore, Dad and Mom may have wrestled with anger because their parents and grandparents wrestled with anger.

5. Possessiveness.

•             Possessiveness coupled with loss or fear of loss is another major cause for anger.

•             Possessiveness is holding on to what one believes to be his personal right or expectation.

•             Therefore, when someone believe that he should have a certain job, position, or recognition, but loses or fails to receive it, the result may be anger.

•      If a child believes he should have a toy, but a sibling gets it instead, the result is anger.

•      The wife that feels that she should have the right to be appreciated by her husband, but does not receive it may get angry.

•      The teenager who feels he should be free to go with wherever he wants, but is grounded by his parents, may become angry.

•             The man who fails to live up to his self imposed expectations may get angry at himself. When anger is turned inward, it may also lead to thoughts of suicide.

•             One may even become angry at God when God does not live up to his expectations.

•             Envy is closely associated with anger because it is desire to have what someone else has.

•             Jealousy in contrast deals with a loss of favor and often results in rage.

6. Control-reaction.

•            Control-reaction is my own term for a description of a source of anger.

•            Quite often small children learn that they can control the situation through anger if their parents don't stop them.

•            The picture is that Johnny has a temper tantrum to get what he wants.

•     As a youth, he may become the "bully" displaying anger to control the situation. In marriage, he may use anger to control his wife and children.

•     Anger become a means of manipulation. Anger become a necessary friend.

7. Misunderstanding about God

•            At times we don't see the big picture.

•            We may take one look at the situation and declare that God is unfair. This view often produces anger.

•            Job cursed the day that he was born because of this view (Job 3:1-3).

•     David became very distressed when he saw the wicked prosper. He said, "When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me" (Psalm 73:16).

•     Jonah became very angry because he thought that God was unfair. "But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry" (Jonah 4:1).

1. Forgiveness.

•             Jesus said, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you" (Matthew 6:14).

•             Forgiveness means that we give the offender a gift which he does not deserve. Look at the word "For-give-ness". Give is in the middle.

•             We are to no longer hold the offender responsible for his offense. Jesus is our example.

•             Jesus said, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you" (Matthew 6:14).

•             Forgiveness means that we give the offender a gift which he does not deserve. Look at the word "For-give-ness". Give is in the middle.

•             We are to no longer hold the offender responsible for his offense. Jesus is our example.

2. Deliverance.

•             First, we are to forgive.

•             Second, we are to put the offender in God's hands and ask Him to forgive.

•             Third, we are to ask God to forgive us for yielding any ground to the enemy through unforgiveness or bitterness.

•             Fourth, we are to ask God to take back the ground that we have yielded to the enemy any other sin or sin habit.

•             Finally, we are to take authority over the enemy in the name of Jesus and bind him and command him to leave our mind, will, emotions, body, and the area. "And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues" (Mark 16:17).

•             We are to use the Word to drive the enemy out and to shut the door. "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7).

3. Unload your cares.

•             "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world" (I Peter 5:7-9).

•             We were not meant to handle all the cares of life. We are to live by the grace of God working in us. "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13).

•             There also may be a need to receive healing for past emotional wounds.

•             Jesus came to heal us of our emotional wounds and set us free from the blow to our identity (Luke 4:18).

4. New Model.

•             We need to change what we focus our attention on.

•             "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God" (Romans 12:2).

•             "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things" (Philippians 4:8).

•             We may also need to see ourselves as we who we are in Christ.

•             "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (II Corinthians 5:17).

5. Break the Generational Curses.

•             Here we need to understand that Jesus became the curse for us that we might be set free from the curse.

•             "Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree: That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith" (Galatians 3:13-14).

•             In brief, we must come to see that we have been both crucified that the body of sin might be destroyed and resurrected that we might live a new life in him.

•             "Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Roman 6:11).

6. Yield your personal rights to God.

•             First, Jesus gave up his rights.

•             "But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men" (Philippians 2:7).

•             Even in the garden as he faced death he said, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done" (Luke 22:42).

•             Second, Jesus also instruct us to give up our personal rights. "And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me" (Luke 9:23).

•             Moses had to throw down his rod before God as a symbol of throwing down everything in his life.

•             "And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod. And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it" (Exodus 4:2-3).

7. Use peace.

•             Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God" (Matthew 5:9).

•             Solomon said, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).

•             Paul wrote, "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men" (Romans 12:18).

•             The author to the Hebrews said, "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord" (Hebrews 12:14

8. See from God perspective

•             When Job came to see from God's perspective, he came to see that God was righteous and fair.

•             He declared, "I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee" (Job 42:5).

•             When David went to the temple and saw things from God's view he changed is attitude toward the wicked (Psalms 73:17-28).

•             Jonah needed to see that it is God's nature to be merciful and loving God to anyone who would repent and receive His mercy and kindness, even Jonah's enemy.